luz

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I have to write a brief post about the practice I had last night. It was beyond.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I’d had a nice round of drinking with a girlfriend on Monday and I knew what I’d be facing on Tuesday: trying to somehow talk myself out of going to yoga at the gallery…and the thought crossed my mind several times over the course of the work day yesterday.

I had my mat and clothes to change in to, consciously ready for this practice that I was unenthusiastic about taking. I didn’t quite feel hung over, but remnants of drinking on an empty stomach even after a filling salad at lunch had me feeling less than awesome, on top of not much sleep.

Let me say this: the practice you feel unwilling or hesitant to take is the one you need the most. 

I got to the gallery, headed upstairs and rolled out my mat. I had a good twenty minutes or so before the practice started, so I took the time to go through my bag and see what all had been left since my last outing with my mat. Missing pants, missing bra (yay!) and a little pink tank. AND THEN! Two rings I thought were lost forever…right there in the bottom of my bag, wedged in the corner. I wanted to cry I was so happy, I thought I’d never see either ring again. First was a silver spoon ring that I’d purchased in New Orleans that I knew I could replace, but I still don’t like the idea of having lost a piece of jewelry, it irritates me. The second ring was one I’ve worn since the seventh grade, a single row of sapphire hearts; a gift from my father. I was so happy and grateful, in that moment I knew I had no choice but to be present and happy with whatever the practice was going to give to me.

Because I decided to change my attitude, I was able to really give myself to that hour and a half on my mat. I opened my heart and closed my eyes, and let my spirit go in that cold, beautiful, sunlit, museum room. When you really allow yourself to unwind, to clear your mind and surrender to the practice, the best things happen. I practiced with my eyes closed and let B.’s voice guide me through each asana. I needed this so much more than I could possibly ever find the words for. I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding in during my two weeks of no practice, due to injury (aka my own clumsiness.) I haven’t had a practice quite so renewing and rejuvenating in what felt like months, though I feel pretty happy any time I’m on my mat.

What was better than the practice? The meditation that followed. B. says, “our meditation tonight is on gratitude,” and I thought I was going to burst into tears, right there in savasana. Gratitude is a conscious decision, one we can make every day if we allow ourselves to do so. I know it’s hard, we don’t always see the reason to be grateful, especially when we’re presented with nothing but complex, bullshit, adult decisions. I am not the best with this, especially lately. BUT! If gratitude is in the forefront of your thinking, the rest will unfold as it should.

I left the gallery in a daze, my mind completely devoid of clutter and my body was actually completely relaxed…absent of stress. I followed this most cleansing hour with a hot bath, a book and early slumber. I slept in my rings, which I never do, and dreamt of nothing; it was epic. I am thankful for days of this kind.

just had to share.

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