ah, catching the feels.
you meet someone and suddenly, your brain starts to malfunction. you begin a full body scan, noticing eye color, hair, body. the way the person speaks and its affect on you, a direct correlation to your immediate affection. a full body scan of your own is next: body is tensed in approval of what your eyes survey. eyes wide in hope to see it all, every inch, missing nothing. a hand through the hair and a deep breath are ideal but do not help in steadying the nerves that are taking over. your brain has completely filled with white noise, their words and your thoughts, expertly mixed. has a choir suddenly started singing? you watch their lips move and their eyes flick around and you’re dying to know what’s happening in their head. you realize yours has become completely unattached from your body, and is floating around the room laughing hysterically at you, because you have caught the feels. you poor bastard.
“nothing can be this good! nothing has felt like this in years! addiction is real and I’M OKAY WITH IT!” and it’s true, because catching the feels, a phrase I genuinely love and hate (because I think it’s stupid, but what are we supposed to do? walk around using twitterpated?) but use anyway because it’s completely accurate. FEELINGS MAKE YOU CRAZY. I realize this is obvious, but it’s true. one does things and thinks things that no normal, rational person would ever consider, but the feels somehow negotiate and justify. stupid fcking feels.
moments are spent in equal parts bliss and agony. are they feeling the same? are the fighting the urge to grab your hand and run around to some gorgeous beach that just so happens to be hosting the perfect sunset? do they want to stroll the streets of nowhere particular, sipping coffee and laughing at nothing? OH PLEASE SAY YES!
…then something else happens. you’re reminded that the feels often lead to trouble, heartache. that you may or may not get the answer you wanted. only moments after your head detached and was ready to float off to Never-Never Land, it quietly comes back down and reattaches, reminding you that the feels can dupe you. your mind quickly starts to race again, but down a different path. as you’re violently running in the opposite direction, thoughts start to creep:
“The timing is off.”
“What will everyone say?”
“I don’t really know…I just don’t feel right about it.”
GOOD JOB! you’ve now convinced yourself that it’s over before it even has a chance to start. and lets be honest here, isn’t that really the best way to steer clear of anything complicated? By now, this marvelous person is smiling at you, genuinely interested in what you have to say. this is causing your brain to exert itself, really try to focus on the task at hand: saying no to the feels.
“Well what do you think?” the friendly smile asks. THIS IS IT! your insides are opposing as they scream GO FOR IT! DON’T YOU DARE! you instantly repeat what you’ve been going through in the last ten minutes and return the smile coyly and say, “you’re trouble, that’s what you are.”
you leave the scene abruptly, but subtle, drawing no attention to your turmoil. the feels, are left appropriately in your wake.
it’s funny though, because trouble will always find you.