I couldn’t believe the joy I felt when I woke up yesterday morning. Thursday is typically my favorite day since Friday follows it, but this particular Thursday was even more amazing.
Wednesday would have marked three years of marriage in my life…except it didn’t. This year, December 17th highlighted how very unmarried I am; a thought that I’m sure will continue to cross my mind if I let it.
I had a few (several) drinks with friends on Wednesday night and really enjoyed myself; I allowed myself to laugh loud and feel tipsy and ya know what? It made me happy. After sobering up and getting pie for my work Christmas party (yes, I cheated and got a frozen turtle pie and I didn’t even try to hide it,) I let myself listen to every single, sad, sappy song I have I on my phone. I parked the car in my driveway and turned the radio to a level that wouldn’t piss off the neighbors, but would also be super pleasing to my fluid filled ears. (I had no idea how painful fluid in the ears can be.)
I listened to everything that I’ve been avoiding for months. So of course lots of Lydia, Pearl Jam. Some Jimmy Eat World – the list could go on. I sobbed for close to an hour straight. I’m sure anyone driving down my street was concerned, but only due to the blasting music coming from my parked car. That was the best damn cry I’ve had in forever. I try so hard to keep it together and be brave and I get complimented almost daily about how, .
“I don’t know how you’re doing it.”
“you seem so okay.”
“you’re so tough.”
“I’d just cry all the time if I were you.”
…..well I finally cried. I now understand the power of a good cry and just letting it go. I say all the time how yoga has opened me up so much and that is not a lie. I’ve been practicing more than usual lately (not quite back to six days a week but close) and I really think that’s the only thing I can attest all of the feelings to. And the feeling of certainty I have now. Hell, after that cry in my car, I could probably cry in the middle of Walgreens and not give a damn. I felt so much better when I woke up. I felt okay; for the first time in months, I feel really, really, really okay. I think I got it all out, but if I didn’t, I won’t be so afraid to just cry it out, wherever I am.
Don’t be afraid to do the same, whether you’re alone or Christmas shopping or on your mat – wherever; it will relieve you in ways I cannot explain.