well yall, I knew the day would come, where I’d get good and angry and feel inspired enough to write down some actual ugly truth. I’m so serious, I’m like Miranda Lambert stomping around in rhinestone-studded boots pissed off. I’m not sure if it’s worth spouting off because there’s no point to this post except to just get the words out of my head. subconsciously I’ll think that everyone in the world agrees with what I have to say and I’ll actually be able to sleep at night once I rid myself of these thoughts. you see? I’m exceptional at fooling myself.
which is what got me in an irate state. I am absolutely befuddled as to why we allow ourselves to take the words of loved ones and believe whole-heartedly, anticipating truth. It blows my damn mind that people can throw such empty words at you, and that you let them. I wonder how much we say to people, and how much people actually say to us, is measured? grain of salt? do you think people do that when you speak? I certainly don’t think about this when friends and family are talking to me – you know the people I hold closest to my heart – but I guess I should.
the problem is expectation. complacency. devotion. different things that exasperate me.
“but I thought…”
“well, I assumed….”
“I’m always going to.”
I just don’t even know…..I wonder if any of this is making sense. Hunter S. Thompson would approve of my stream of conscience. Indeed.
How can we just….say things to each other? Or not say them? How is it possible that intangible things can kill us. “They’re just words.” I wish this were true. – I guess that the entire point of this rant; wow, I’ve come full-circle. I love when this happens! – I couldn’t imagine a world where words, both spoken, written and unspoken, don’t just rip you up. Like seriously that would be the best world ever…it would be bliss; empty bliss.
I can’t even fathom a life or world without words; language. it’s my passion…my purpose. I suppose that’s why I place so much weight in the way you say things to people – much is carried there.
I’m just not certain of how to form them together correctly anymore, and it’s infuriating. I’m scared to write something down and actualize those feelings. Like this, this is hard. But here I am writing down all my crappy feelings, word vomiting like we did during our Xanga days and just letting it out because that’s the power that words give you.
but they’re just words.