High Ball Stepper


I feel like I’ve been observing myself for the last week or so. I know I haven’t spoken much, to anyone, aside from the people I work with. I haven’t done much talking. I’ve spent some mornings, laying in the dark, for hours without looking at my phone, turning on the TV or listening to any music. I don’t feel depressed or anything. It’s wild because I feel so connected to everything in my life right now, but also strongly disconnected. I’m meeting all sorts of people at work and forming new relationships, which is one of my absolute favorite things in life. I have an amazing support system between my husband, our families and my I-don’t-know-what-I’d-do-without-them-friends. I am so so humbled because they are all gushing about their excitement for my book and that sends me over the moon. I just don’t understand how I’m so happy and everything is improving and moving right along and I am blessed beyond measure with endless pages daily for this novel…and sometimes I want to lay in the dark and speak to noone. I don’t understand. Emotions are hard, am I right?

I want to apologize because this seems like, “blackout writing,” or something, but it obviously needs to be said. I’ll probably read this tomorrow and have a huge face-palm moment. 

Until I can figure out what seems to be disconnecting me, I’d love to share what’s been connecting me. I’ve said, “yes,” to just about everything lately. I’ve observed that as outgoing and social as I am, I am happy as a clam to be home alone, writing or reading or just chatting Nadia’s ear off (which she obliges me, happily.) Here’s one YES that I am ohmystars so happy about:

Freaking Jack White. I’ve enjoyed his music forever but he’s just made a record I can really groove to. As a percussionist, I just love love love these jams. I could feel how much fun he had in the studio making all this music and creating and that’s just the best feeling in the world. Rarely is that we truly understand someone’s message, but when we do…magic. 

Sometimes a record comes out that I just really need. Like, if I’m going through something personally or working on a project, sometimes I need a record I can sink my teeth in to, to help me get through whatever it is, or help shape my art. Lazaretto is that for me for this book I’m writing. It’s spicing things up and pushing me to make bolder choices for my main character. It’s completely different than what I’ve used to inspire me lately. It’s so rocky and jammy…like a John Wayne western and rock show…yeah. Do yourself a favor, buy the whole record. Lazaretto. 


So, the other night I was watching this documentary with my friend Heather (I was sooo excited because Mark hates documentaries.) The Institute is literally one of the craziest docu films I have ever laid eyes on. BUT I LOVED IT. It was so beautiful and enlightening. It reminded me that it’s okay to have faith in all sorts of things. To allow yourself to have your own truth. It was the most encouraging film I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t want to give too much away, but the main reason for the documentary and the story will restore your faith in humanity…swear. While it’s been said to be cult-ish or whatever, I didn’t take that away from other messages that were presented in the film. The directors/producers had bigger ideas.

Thanks for listening to me ramble today. Here’s a song mentioned in my book. Adios.


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