Three Months

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I started writing my book three months ago. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?!

I was sitting with my curtains drawn this morning, sipping my coffee while I re-read the chapter or part of the novel or whatever I worked on the day before…as usual. I looked at my calendar to see how many pages were due Friday…when i realized that it’s the 23rd. I started working on this project on April 23…exactly three months ago. I thought about where I was three months ago, when I finally found the courage to sit down and write this story. I was in a very different headspace then, dealing with all sorts of emotions and changes in my life and as a person. I am not the girl I was when I started writing this book…it’s changed me. It’s changed the way I see my relationships and the people in them. I’m a bit more mindful of my actions and reactions. I notice the way I notice things and I make notes to appreciate certain things a little more…its amazing what 34,218 words, seventeen chapters and 226 pages can do for the soul.

I know I’ve mentioned before how worried I was in the beginning because I was afraid I would get to a certain point and have nothing left to write…but that hasn’t happened yet, still. I am beyond blessed with a great story and great characters to keep me motivated and inspired. I have no one else to thank right now, in this moment of happiness and excitement, than all the people in my life. The encouragement, reading, opinions and criticisms…I’m so thankful to everyone. Here’s to the next three months! I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

High Ball Stepper

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I feel like I’ve been observing myself for the last week or so. I know I haven’t spoken much, to anyone, aside from the people I work with. I haven’t done much talking. I’ve spent some mornings, laying in the dark, for hours without looking at my phone, turning on the TV or listening to any music. I don’t feel depressed or anything. It’s wild because I feel so connected to everything in my life right now, but also strongly disconnected. I’m meeting all sorts of people at work and forming new relationships, which is one of my absolute favorite things in life. I have an amazing support system between my husband, our families and my I-don’t-know-what-I’d-do-without-them-friends. I am so so humbled because they are all gushing about their excitement for my book and that sends me over the moon. I just don’t understand how I’m so happy and everything is improving and moving right along and I am blessed beyond measure with endless pages daily for this novel…and sometimes I want to lay in the dark and speak to noone. I don’t understand. Emotions are hard, am I right?

I want to apologize because this seems like, “blackout writing,” or something, but it obviously needs to be said. I’ll probably read this tomorrow and have a huge face-palm moment. 

Until I can figure out what seems to be disconnecting me, I’d love to share what’s been connecting me. I’ve said, “yes,” to just about everything lately. I’ve observed that as outgoing and social as I am, I am happy as a clam to be home alone, writing or reading or just chatting Nadia’s ear off (which she obliges me, happily.) Here’s one YES that I am ohmystars so happy about:

Freaking Jack White. I’ve enjoyed his music forever but he’s just made a record I can really groove to. As a percussionist, I just love love love these jams. I could feel how much fun he had in the studio making all this music and creating and that’s just the best feeling in the world. Rarely is that we truly understand someone’s message, but when we do…magic. 

Sometimes a record comes out that I just really need. Like, if I’m going through something personally or working on a project, sometimes I need a record I can sink my teeth in to, to help me get through whatever it is, or help shape my art. Lazaretto is that for me for this book I’m writing. It’s spicing things up and pushing me to make bolder choices for my main character. It’s completely different than what I’ve used to inspire me lately. It’s so rocky and jammy…like a John Wayne western and rock show…yeah. Do yourself a favor, buy the whole record. Lazaretto. 

*****

So, the other night I was watching this documentary with my friend Heather (I was sooo excited because Mark hates documentaries.) The Institute is literally one of the craziest docu films I have ever laid eyes on. BUT I LOVED IT. It was so beautiful and enlightening. It reminded me that it’s okay to have faith in all sorts of things. To allow yourself to have your own truth. It was the most encouraging film I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t want to give too much away, but the main reason for the documentary and the story will restore your faith in humanity…swear. While it’s been said to be cult-ish or whatever, I didn’t take that away from other messages that were presented in the film. The directors/producers had bigger ideas.

Thanks for listening to me ramble today. Here’s a song mentioned in my book. Adios.

Truth’s Worth

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I wanted to formulate a grand thought on how important it is to tell the truth…but all I have is this: it is imperative, to any story, that the truth be spoken.

In regards to my book, the truth comes from a male POV which is a bit controversial, considering I’m a woman. I’m abiding under the same principle that my fabulous art teacher, Tracy Campbell, influenced upon me. “Draw what you see not what you know.” Once I researched, combed through endless blogs and articles, I came back to this influence. I’m writing what I’ve seen…telling it like it is. And isn’t that the only way?

Every person has a different truth; no two alike. I feel it’s important to make sure that this truth is told correctly and reaches its full worth.

My best friend in the entire universe read the first 160 or so pages and said, “it’s good but I don’t buy you as Walter.” This immediately cracked me up because I could see her sitting at her laptop just shaking her head at me, at the things I have Walter saying. Regardless of the fact that she thinks I will sell millions only because my adoring fans will wait with heavy anticipation to see when Walter comes out of the closet, I’m standing firm in using his voice. I’ve tested this book on a few friends, both male and female, and have had mixed reviews. Some say Walter sounds outstandingly feminine, others say I nailed it. Writing from this POV is one of the most difficult challenges I’ve faced as a writer; keeping consistent tone right down to his idiosyncrasies of how he says things….it’s an art. It’s writing the truth.

In one of the articles I read (which was open for comments), one woman describes writing in the male POV for a female audience, another writing in the male POV for a male audience. I realize now that I’m not just writing for one audience and that makes me happy.

It makes sense for Walter to do the telling. When I had this story formulating in my mind, the narrator was always male. I will proudly say that I don’t think it has to do with demographic or who I’m trying to target. I am 100% proud to say that I’m writing from this POV and with a conviction that is: it’s because it’s the truth. What’s that worth to you?